They say happiness blooms in the garden, but let’s be honest, that isn’t always the case! That’s why we wrote 99 funny gardening quotes to get you through the tougher times of gardening!

Have a laugh, copy a quote and share with a friend. These also make great captions for your gardening Instagram posts.

Click the icon in the upper right to easily copy and paste the quotes into your Instagram post.

Funny Gardening Quotes

"I tried to start a vegetable garden, but it was a complete turnip for the books."

"Gardening is just farming for people who don't like to wake up early."

"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right about where to plant the tomatoes."

"Gardening is the art of turning dirt into tomatoes."

"Gardening: when you spend $50 on plants and then spend all weekend watching them die."

"Gardeners have the best dirt on everyone."

"If at first, you don't succeed, try watering again."

"Gardening: the only activity where you can both work and nap at the same time."

"A weed is just a plant with a better PR team."

"I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving my energy for the garden."

"I don't always talk to my plants, but when I do, I'm usually asking them why they're dying."

"Gardening is like playing Whac-a-Mole, but with weeds."

"I like my plants like I like my jokes - corny."

"Gardening: where the seeds are free but the dirt is priceless."

"Gardening is a great way to get your hands dirty without getting in trouble."

"My garden is like my hair - a mess, but I pretend it's intentional."

"Why do gardeners have so much patience? Because they know good things come to those who mulch."

"Gardening is like therapy, except you get tomatoes instead of prescriptions."

"I'm not a great gardener, but I'm outstanding in my field."

"Planting a garden is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get."

"I always plant extra tomatoes for my neighbors, just so they can feel like they're contributing to the harvest."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I prefer Dos Tomatos."

"Gardening: the one place where you can bury your problems and watch them bloom."

"I don't always kill my plants, but when I do, it's because I forgot to water them."

"Gardening is the closest thing we have to magic - we plant a seed, and something beautiful grows."

"I'm not a gardener, I'm a plant whisperer."

"Gardening: the only place where getting dirty is encouraged."

"I told my plants a joke, but they didn't react. I guess I need to work on my delivery."

"My gardening style can be summed up in one word: weed-wacking."

"I'm not saying I have a green thumb, but my plants are definitely giving me the finger."

"Gardening is like cooking, except you can't just order takeout when it goes wrong."

"I'm not saying I'm a good gardener, but I did grow a tomato once that looked like the Pope."

"Gardening: the only hobby where you get to play in the dirt and still be considered an adult."

"I always plant my garden in alphabetical order, because I like to keep my peas and cues straight."

"Gardening is the ultimate form of recycling - you're literally turning garbage into food."

"I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure my plants have a leafy-green addiction."

"Gardening: the only place where you can talk to plants without people thinking you're crazy."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I wear my finest pair of Crocs."

"If you want to be a successful gardener, you have to learn to be a good listener. Plants have a lot to say."

"Gardening is the only thing that can make me excited about manure."

"Gardening: the only activity where you can sow your seeds and reap the rewards."

"I'm not saying my garden is a jungle, but I did have to hire a guide to find my way out."

"Gardening is like a dance - you have to know when to plant, when to water, and when to bust a move with the hoe."

"I don't always have a green thumb, but when I do, it's usually from paint."

"Gardening: where the weeds are as persistent as a telemarketer."

"I'm not a fan of gardening puns. They always seem to fall flat."

"Gardening is like a box of chocolates - you never know which plants are going to be the nuttiest."

"I don't always have a bumper crop, but when I do, I feel like a real hoe-maestro."

"Gardening is like a marathon - it's all about pacing yourself and not passing out from the heat."

"I'm not saying I have a green thumb, but I have a pretty impressive collection of brown leaves."

"Gardening: where the work is hard, but the harvest is sweet."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I prefer to do it in my pyjamas."

"Gardening is like a science experiment, except you get to eat the results."

"I'm not saying I'm a great gardener, but I did once grow a beanstalk that reached the clouds."

"Gardening: the only place where you can plant a seed and watch it grow without getting arrested."

"I don't always talk to my plants, but when I do, I always make sure to say something nice."

"Gardening is like cooking, except you have to wait months for your food to be ready."

"I'm not saying I have a green thumb, but I do have a compost bin that's the envy of the neighborhood."

"Gardening: where the soil is always moist, and the tools are always dirty."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I make sure to wear gloves. I have a lot of love for my hands."

"Gardening is like a game of chess - you have to think ahead and plan your moves carefully."

"I'm not saying my garden is a disaster, but I did once find a lost civilization growing in the back corner."

"Gardening: the only place where it's acceptable to wear a sunhat and overalls in public."

"I don't always have a green thumb, but when I do, it's because I used green dye on it."

"Gardening is like a language - you have to learn the vocabulary and the grammar before you can communicate with your plants."

"I'm not saying I'm a great gardener, but I do have a way with parsley."

"Gardening: where the hardest part is getting started, and the easiest part is watching the plants grow."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I like to pretend I'm a fairy sprinkling magic dust on the flowers."

"Gardening is like a soap opera - there's always drama going on underground."

"I'm not saying my garden is a masterpiece, but I did once have a visitor ask if it was a botanical garden."

"Gardening: where the smell of fresh soil is better than any perfume."

"I don't always have a green thumb, but when I do, I like to flaunt it with a floral arrangement."

"Gardening is like a treasure hunt - you never know what kind of gems you'll find buried in the dirt."

"I'm not saying I'm an expert gardener, but I did once teach a cactus to dance the cha-cha."

"Gardening: where the snails are the biggest pests and the bunnies are the cutest."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I like to wear a hat that's bigger than my plants."

"Gardening is like a math problem - you have to calculate the right amount of water, sunlight, and fertilizer to solve it."

"I'm not saying I'm a plant whisperer, but I did once get a fern to apologize for dropping its leaves."

"Gardening: where the dirtier you get, the happier you are."

"I don't always have a green thumb, but when I do, I like to show off my gardening skills on Instagram."

"Gardening is like a magic trick - you plant a seed and voila, a plant appears!

"I'm not saying my garden is a miracle, but I did once turn water into wine using my tomato plants."

"Gardening: where the weather forecast is more important than the news."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I like to listen to classical music to help my plants grow smarter."

"Gardening is like a marathon - you need endurance, perseverance, and a lot of water bottles."

"I'm not saying I have a green thumb, but I do have a garden gnome who nods approvingly at my plants."

"Gardening: where the only thing hotter than the sun is the compost pile."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I like to wear sunglasses to protect my eyes from the dazzling beauty of my plants."

"Gardening is like a romantic relationship - you have to give love and attention to make it thrive."

"I'm not saying my garden is a secret hideaway, but I did once catch a spy taking photos of my rare orchids."

"Gardening: where the only competition is with yourself and the weeds."

"I don't always have a green thumb, but when I do, I like to challenge my friends to a plant growing contest."

"Gardening is like a spa day for your soul - it's rejuvenating, relaxing, and you get to play in the mud."

"I'm not saying I'm a garden guru, but I did once have a student ask me for my autograph on a seed packet."

"Gardening: where the only time you can get dirty looks is when you forget to weed your garden."

"I don't always garden, but when I do, I like to wear a bandana to channel my inner cowboy."

"Gardening is like a work of art - you're constantly shaping and creating something beautiful."

"I'm not saying my garden is a celebrity, but I did once catch a paparazzi trying to sneak a photo of my prized rose."

"Gardening: where the only thing more satisfying than seeing your plants grow is enjoying the fruits (and veggies) of your labor."

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